This One Selfish Moment
by captainwhiteshadow
Summary: James and his friends come up with a plan to destroy Severus for good. When Lily admits her love for Severus, will the young Slytherin find the happiness he longs for, or is it all too good to be true?
1. The Scheme

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of its characters.**

_**This One Selfish Moment**_

**Chapter 1: The Scheme**

James Potter sat by the window beside his bed up in the Gryffindor tower, staring down at the courtyard where the most popular girl in school - and his long-time crush - Lily Evans was hanging out with that greasy snake Severus Snape. He glared at the duo, unable to understand what she saw in the crybaby Slytherin. It should be him Lily wants to spend all her time with!

"Look at him, laughing along with her like he actually cares. As if a slimy Slytherin could ever be friends with someone not of their own house," James muttered angrily. "I bet he just can't wait 'til he's old enough to join You-Know-Who and then kill her."

Remus, who was sitting on his bed, reading out of his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook, looked up from the page he was reading and said, "You know, there are plenty of other good looking girls in Gryffindor. Not a bad bunch of Hufflepuffs I could recommend to you, too. Why not just accept that Lily hates your guts and move on?"

James glared back at him. "Because Lily is the hottest and the smartest witch in school. Therefore, she deserves the hottest, coolest, fastest, and richest boy in school. Me." He ended with his signature smirk.

"You know mate, Remus has a point. Lily's hot and all, but she's a total bitch," Sirius remarked as he used his pocket knife to carve away at a wooden dog figurine he'd been working on for the past week.

James grinned. "Then you know she'll be slammin' in bed." Sirius snorted at that.

"W-what about Molly P-Prewett?" Peter hesitantly suggested through a mouthful of potato chips that James had nicked from the kitchens for him the last time he and Sirius went out on a midnight food raid. "S-she's pretty cute."

James, Remus, and Sirius all raised an eyebrow at him. Peter shrunk back under their scrutiny and continued to nibble at his chips.

James rolled his eyebrows and muttered "Useless" under his breath. He went back to staring at Lily and sighed. "Just what does that slimy git have that I don't?"

"Well, he's good at brewing potions," Remus commented.

James and Sirius chuckled at that; Peter nervously joined in, but another glare from his 'friends' shut him up. James snorted. "Oh yeah, I know how to get Lily now. I'll just whip up a Boil Solution and spill it all over Snivelus. Then she'll think he's nasty...well, nastier than usual...and she'll run into my arms."

Sirius grinned. "Hate to break it to ya, mate, but I don't think Snivelus can get any nastier than he already is."

James let out a low chuckle and nodded in agreement.

"What about a Love Potion?" Remus suggested.

James thought for a minute, but then shook his head. "No, I want her to actually love me...or, at least, enough for me to get a good shag out of her. And if I use a Love Potions, that would kinda be like rape. Plus, it would be an insult to my character to say I can't snag the girl I want without having to resort to using a Love Potion."

"H-hey, do you think t-that's how Sev-I mean, Snivelus is getting Lily to hang out with him?" Peter asked. "I mean, h-he likes her enough to, r-right?"

James was about to tell Peter that all his ideas were completely idiotic, but then he stopped to think. Suddenly, a cruel smirk appeared on his face as the wheels in his head turned. "My god, Peter, I think you might've actually come up with a good idea for once!" Peter smiled at the praise, before James continued, "Well, actually, no, it's more my idea, but I'll give you some credit for the inspiration."

Sirius stopped carving his wooden blood hound and leaned forward on his bed. "What is it, mate?"

James glanced back down at Lily, who was beaming with delight as Severus conjured up a circle of dandelions-her favorite flower-to grow around her. "We're going to give Snivelus just what he's always wanted...and he'll break himself apart."


	2. All I Ever Wanted

_**This One Selfish Moment**_

**Chapter 2: All I Ever Wanted**

Severus Snape was sitting beneath a beech tree by the Black Lake. He always loved this spot. The air was always cool and breezy here, and the sounds of the water shifting lazily about made for a calming atmosphere while he worked on his various assignments. Professor Calcifer wanted all the fifth year Slytherins in to give a four foot long essay on the history of the Patronus Charm and its two main uses: warding off dementors and lethifolds, and sending messages. Easy enough. He had already been able to produce a corporeal Patronus once; it was a doe...just like Lily's. Not that he'd ever let her or anyone else know what his Patronus was...especially not that arrogant Potter. He'd never hear the end of their jibes and mockery.

He found it harder and harder to concentrate on his essay the more he thought of Lily. He could always he her bright smile when he closed his eyes; could see her flaming red hair and plump pink lips; could see the cute freckle beneath her left elbow that she'd shown him once and made him promise not to tell anyone. He could hear her laugh and the way his name just seemed to roll off her tongue like one of the lyrics in a melody. Everything about her was just so..."Perfect."

"What's perfect, Sev?"

Severus damn near jumped out of his robes when he heard Lily's voice. He turned around and saw her leaning over and grinning at him. "L-Lily?"

Lily laughed. "Jeez, Sev, don't be so jumpy!"

Severus huffed in mock annoyance-he could never really be angry with her. "I wouldn't be jumpy if a certain red-haired minx didn't find it so amusing to sneak up on me."

Lily knelt beside him and pouted. "Aww, I'm sorry, Sevvy." She bit her lip shyly. "Let me make it up to you."

Before Severus could register what she meant by that, he felt a pair of soft, smooth lips on his. He froze, along with all of time and space around him. When he finally realized wat was happening, his eyes widened._ Lily is...kissing me?_

Lily pulled back before Severus could even respond and smiled lovingly at him. "Mmm...you do taste even better than I thought you would."

Severus shook himself out of his stupor and gaped at her. "L-Lily, I...you...why did you..."

Lily giggled, and it sounded like bell chimes. She gazed at him through long lashes as a blush crept upon her cheeks. "Well, Sev, I kissed you. Duh."

Severus's heart was beating wildly in his chest. _Does this mean...?_ Hope began to skyrocket before he had a chance to beat it back down. "Lily...but...why did you kiss me?"

She leaned forward on her hands and knees and bit her lip again, staring at him mischievously. "Guess."

He swallowed hard before answering. He'd been dreaming of a moment like this for years. And now that it was finally happening, he was afraid. He feared that he would wake up and this would all just be another dream. But he threw caution to the wind and asked, "Do you...lo...love me?"

"Yes!" Lily burst out as she tackled him to the ground and planted another kiss on his lips. This time, Severus responded happily, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close as they lay there on the lake shore. Her lips tasted like the watermelon lip gloss she was so fond of. He could smell her french vanilla shampoo as her crimson hair fell all around his face like a private wall.

But the best thing of all was that she loved him! After all these years pining after her, trying to gain her affections, trying to show her how much he cared, she finally fell for him. In this moment, he felt whole. He had found his other half. Lily completed him, and it no longer mattered what Potter or his stupid friends would say about him; it no longer mattered that his other friends in Slytherin would make fun of him for being friends with a Gryffindor; it no longer mattered how stressful O.W.L.s would be this year. No matter what may come his way, he felt invincible.

Lily moaned, pressing her body up closer to his, as if trying to meld with him. She clutched at his shirt, loving the way Severus, her Severus held her. He was surprisingly strong for being so lean and tall. She ran her tongue over his lips, begging for entrance, and he eagerly complied. Despite this being her first kiss, she knew what to do to make it feel good-she and Molly often stayed up late reading romance novels; once even Clarice Fray, another Gryffindor a year above them, had shown them her copy of Play Witch, which Lily had shamefully admitted she enjoyed. When she found Severus's tongue she began to suck on it eagerly - not something many girls would do for their first kiss, but she wanted this kiss to be one they would both remember.

When the need to air finally became present, they broke apart and gasped. It took Severus nearly a whole minute to gather his thoughts. "Woah...that was..."

"Amazing?" Lily sighed contentedly as she rested her head on his chest. "You're not bad yourself. In fact, I think I could get addicted."

Severus smiled fondly at her and began to soothingly run his fingers through her hair. They lay there for what seemed like an hour, just listening to the sounds of the lake, and the chirping of the birds. It was a Saturday, so many of the other students were outside hanging out with their friends or practicing spellwork. But to Severus and Lily, the two of them were the only people in the world.

"Why?"

Lily looked up at him through dreamy eyes, a lazy smile playing on her lips. "Hmm?"

Severus chuckled at her reply, or lack-thereof. "I mean, why do you love me? Because I can think of a thousand and one reasons why I love you, but I can't understand why I should deserve you."

Lily smiled. "Really? A thousand and one? That's a lot." She nuzzled her face into his chest, breathing deeply of his scent. "Well, all I can really say is that I love everything about you, Sev. I can get lost in your deep, dark eyes. I love your sexy, long hair. I love your pale skin. I love your perfect smile. I love your sense of fashion. I love everything about you. You're flawless."

While it was nice to hear all of Lily's compliments - an extremely nice change, actually, from all the insults he usually got from people - something nagged at the back of his mind. He remembered having a conversation with Lily once about love, and she had explained that to truly love someone, you couldn't just ignore their flaws, you had to learn to love those as well; no one was flawless.

"Well, that's very sweet, even if it's not all true. I have plenty of flaws, Lily."

Lily frowned, looking at him in confusion. "No you don't, Sev. You're just letting people get you down. Don't listen to that toerag Potter."

Severus's mood darkened a bit. He hated hearing about Potter. He especially didn't want to talk about him now. So, changing the subject, he smiled softly and said, "Well, Lily Evans, I do believe I owe you."

Lily blinked. "For what?"

He kissed her tenderly on the lips. "For saving me from a life of sorrow." He gently moved her aside and stood up. He then took her hand and pulled her up. Looking down at their intertwined fingers, he couldn't help but notice how perfectly her small hand fit in his - and how right everything felt. "Now, come on, how about we go out on a proper date?"

Lily beamed. "I'd love to, Sev!" She cocked her head. "But where are we going to go?"

Severus smirked. "Hogsmaede of course."

Lily blinked. "Hogsmaede? But it's not a Hogsmaede weekend."

He was already pulling her along before she could protest - not that she wanted to, of course. "I'm a Slytherin, Lily. I know my way around the castle, and I know some of the secret pathways that lead in and out of the castle."

It didn't take long before they reentered the school and made their way to a hallway with a large statue of a one-eyed witch with a crooked nose. Severus muttered "_Dissendium_" under his breath, and the witch slid aside, revealing a secret tunnel.

"Wow!" Lily exclaimed. "I never would've guessed this was here! I'm glad I have such a clever boyfriend."

Severus blushed. "B-boyfriend?"

"Well, of course." Lily pouted and looked like she was about to cry. "Unless...you don't want me?"

"No!" Severus cried. "Er-I mean, yes I want you, of course I do. It's just...well, you have no idea how happy it makes me feel for you to say that."

Lily smiled and hugged him. "I love you, Sev." She kissed him on the cheek.

Severus pulled her around and kissed her on the lips. "And I love you, Lily Evans."

They ventured into the tunnel and soon came to a basement filled with wooden crates and bottled on shelves. When Lily asked where they were, Severus explained that they were beneath Honeydukes, the new candy shop that had opened up just last year.

"I love Honeydukes!" Lily said. "Molly and I only went there once earlier in the year. They've got things for all different tastes, even blood-pops for vampires."

"I went here a couple weeks ago with Avery," Severus explained before he could stop himself. "We nabbed a few chocolate wands and cauldron cakes."

Lily's eyes narrowed. "You stole them?"

Severus froze. "Er...well..."

Lily grinned mischievously. "Hot and daring. God, I love you, Sev. Come on!"

Severus blinked as she pulled him along. He was certain he was about to experience another of Lily's fiery scoldings, but she actually thought stealing made him cooler? She certainly was acting a bit odd today.

Ambrosius Flume, the owner of Honeydukes, was currently laying back in his chair and napping. Obviously he hadn't had many customers today, since most of his customers were just the Hogwarts students who came around every Hogsmaede weekend.

Using magic to transfigure their Hogwarts robes into casual wear, they explored the shop freely and picked out several tasty sweets to buy. Once they had everything they wanted, they walked up to the counter. Severus cleared his throat to rouse the man from his slumber, and Ambrosius nearly fell out of his seat in surprise after being woken up.

"Wha...whozzer?" He blinked at the two customers. "Ah! Two youngins wantin' to buy some treats. Sorry for the snooze. Haven't had much business today. Now, let's see, that'll be a total of...ten sickles for everything."

Severus paid the man and soon enough he and Lily were exploring the shops around town while telling jokes and enjoying their sweets. They explored Dogweed and Deathcaps herbology shop, and Lily commented on all the exotic flowers and plants; Severus sometimes gave a description of what certain plants did in certain potions. They then took a trip to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop to buy some new quills for Lily, since Arthur Weasley had borrowed most of hers and forgotten to give them back. And at the end of the day, they stopped for tea in Madam Puddifoot's.

Severus had heard that this was a shop for couples. What proved this rumor was that the majority of the shop was pink and had hearts carved into the sides of the marble tables. He felt a bit uncomfortable in this place, but Lily had wanted to see what it was like, and he would do anything for her-even embarrass the hell out of himself.

The shop didn't only sell tea though. Lily ordered a mint and chocolate-chip milkshake while Severus got a coffee. The atmosphere was nice and relaxed, and some slow, soft, romantic tune played in the background.

Lily sighed. "This place is wonderful, Sev."

"Yes...it's, er...nice." Severus saw an elderly couple looking their way and smiling. He turned away with a slight blush on his face. He heard Lily giggle, and he blinked. "What?"

"You look so embarrassed. What's the matter; Afraid to be seen in such a lovey-dovey place?" she teased.

Severus shrugged. "It's alright here. Wouldn't want to come here that often though. I'm actually kinda surprised you like it here."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, you normally don't seem to be into all the really girly stuff that other girls like," he replied.

Lily cocked an eyebrow. "You calling me a tomboy?"

Severus hesitated. "No."

"So I'm a girly-girl, is that it?"

Severus knew he was trapped. Several seconds later, though, Lily burst out laughing. "You should've seen the look on your face! Priceless," she said through her giggles.

Severus frowned. "It wasn't that funny."

She gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."

"Prove it," Severus challenged with a smirk.

"Well, I would, but there's a nice elderly couple a few seats down, and I don't want them to go into cardiac arrest from all the things I'd...do to you," she said that last part in a highly seductive tone of voice.

Severus suddenly felt very hot. "L-Lily!"

Another giggle, and then a shrug. "Sorry. I guess I am moving a bit fast. It's just we've been best friends for so long..."

Severus smiled. "It's okay." He stirred his coffee a bit. "So...how long have you felt this way about me anyway?"

Lily propped her chin up with her elbow and forearm and sucked on her straw for a bit before she answered. "Well, honestly...have you ever just woken up one day and realized you loved someone?"

Snap stared at her warily. "Well...not really. I mean, I knew I loved you by our second year of school, but it had gradually built up before then."

Lily smiled at that. "Well, I just realized it this morning, actually."

Snape froze in the middle of taking a sip of his drink. He lowed his cup. "This morning?"

Lily nodded eagerly. "Yeah, after breakfast I suddenly felt this intense urge to come see you. The feeling got stronger and stronger, and I started thinking about everything we've been through together. You're such an amazing guy, and your handsome, and nice, and smart, and-"

"I knew it."

Lily blinked. A smirk appeared on her face. "Ah, so you admit you're amazing. See, you just needed to work on your confidence."

"Lily...stop." Severus closed his eyes, trying to remain calm. "I thought you were acting strange all day. The sudden kiss out of nowhere; the way you excessively compliment me and call me perfect; the way you didn't care about me stealing; your abnormal interest in things most of the preppy girls at school like. This..." he gestured to the entirety of the teashop, "...this isn't you."

Lily frowned in confusion. "What are you talking about, Sev? How can I be anyone but myself?"

Severus opened his eyes, and Lily could see they were glossy and slightly bloodshot. "You're under a spell."

"What?" Lily took a moment to register what he meant. "Severus, no! I...my love for you is-"

"The effects of a Love Potion. You exhibit all the signs; I've just been too blind to see it!" He slammed a fist down on the table, making Lily jump. He looked away. "I...I should've known...it's the only way you would ever..."

Lily reached across the table and took his hands in hers. "Severus, look at me." He looked back at her, and it broke her heart to see the fear and sorrow in his eyes. "Sev...Severus, I love you. This is not a spell. It...it can't be. This feeling is too powerful. I've never felt like this in my life."

Severus couldn't stand it. "Please, don't...don't say those words anymore. Not...not until I know for sure."

"Severus, please!" she begged, tears starting to form in her own eyes.

"I can't, Lily." He stood up and grabbed her hand. "I have to know."

Lily struggled to keep up, begging and pleading for him to stop acting this way the whole way back to the castle. This time Severus had to use a Sleeping Charm on Ambrosius in order for them to sneak back into the basement of Honeydukes. They made their way back through the secret entrance and headed toward the dungeons. They stopped outside the oddly colored brick wall that led to the Slytherin common room.

"Stay here, I just need to get a few things," Severus explained.

"Sev, why are you doing this?" Lily asked in a panicky voice, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Please, Severus, why can't you just accept that I lo-"

"Don't!" Severus snapped. The look of fear in his best friend's eyes made him feel even guiltier. He hated hurting her. "Sandserpent," he muttered, and the wall slid open.

A minute later he was in his dorm room, sorting through his potions kit and making sure he had all the proper ingredients for a De-Love Potion. The whole time he was thinking to himself, _What the hell am I doing? This is my one chance to be with the girl I love, and I'm about to throw it all away. But I can't do this to her...it's not fair._ But another voice in his head was telling him, _What if you're wrong, though? What if her love for you is real?_

Snape rejoined Lily five minutes later and had her follow him to an empty classroom, his heart feeling heavier with each step. When they reached the classroom he shut the door and set up his cauldron and ingredients on a table.

Lily sat across from him with her arms wrapped around herself and a look of pain and sadness on her face. "Severus, what makes you think I was given a Love Potion?"

Severus measured out the powdered rat tails as he spoke, "I told you. You show all the signs of being under the effects of one."

"But what if you're wrong?" Lily asked.

"Then the potion I'm making will have no effect. Or I screwed it up."

"You never screw up your potions."

Part of him wished he would this time.

Severus continued to brew the De-Love Potion for the next thirty minutes, during which time neither of them spoke much. Lily kept giving him sad, yet loving stares, and Severus had to use all his will power not to knock over his cauldron and kiss her senseless.

"It's done," he said after the final process was over. He now had a pink potion with swirls of green in it. Taking a vial from his kit, he scooped up a fair amount and stared at it for a long time. This was it. This was the moment that would either shatter him into a million pieces, or make him the happiest man alive. He shakily held the potion out to Lily.

Lily's smooth, delicate fingers wrapped around his as they held the potion between them. Her emerald eyes gazed up into his coal black ones. They were begging, pleading, trying to convey all their love for him in that single gaze. "You don't have to do this, Severus."

_Why? Why can't I have her?_

"I have to Lily."

"But why? I want you so bad, Sev!" she cried, a fresh wave of tears pouring down her cheeks.

_Cant I just forget the damn potion and accept things the way they are? Can't I pretend?_

"I want you too, Lily." He was barely holding back his own tears now. "But I won't force you to feel this way. I want you to love me for real."

Again those emerald eyes seemed to pierce into the deepest part of his soul. "But this feels real to me."

_Just give me this one selfish moment...please..._

He couldn't hold back any longer. He pressed his lips to hers one final time, making sure to savor the taste of watermelons. He ran a hand through her hair, swearing it felt just soft and smooth as water. He pulled her close, the potion wedged between their rapidly beating hearts. She lightly touched his arm, and it sent fire rushing through his veins. His world was no longer black and white; she brought color and light even in his darkest hour. And for just a moment, everything was right in the world.

But everything has to end...

When he finally pulled back, after what seemed an eternity, his cheeks were wet - he wasn't sure from whose tears though. "Drink."

Lily hesitantly lifted the potion to her lips and let the contents fall back down her throat. After a second, the vial crashed to the floor and shattered. She stumbled back and knocked up against another desk, grabbing onto it to steady herself while holding her head. "Wha...what?" She looked around as if coming out of a trance. Her eyes locked on the only other occupant of the room. "Severus? What are you-" A look of remembrance came over her face and she gasped, slapping a hand to her mouth. "Oh my god! Severus, I... What have I done?"

It was those last four words that were the final blow. Without even looking back, he ran from the room, leaving a very stunned and upset Lily behind.


End file.
